Brisket Breakfast

Recently, I had the opportunity to visit Micklethwait Craft Meats, and gorge myself on their tasty brisket.  This is barbecue done right!

I tried the Frito Pie, with a side of potato salad, and topped it off with a little bit of their buttermilk pie.  How delightful!

View fullsize

The Frito Pie had a big hunk of savory brisket on top, a small mountain of chili, all piled on a bed of crispy, salty, crunchy Fritos, with a couple of plant parts scattered around.  The potato salad was a substantial portion, and had the perfect balance of carbs and mayo.  The buttermilk pie was exactly what you would hope to find if someone offered you buttermilk pie.  What more can I say?

Just a reminder...  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Granola bars are fine, if you're a bear and you eat a dozen of them.  The semi-sophisticated life calls for a hearty breakfast.  Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for failure.

Cheeseburger Breakfast, Part II.

You may remember one of the greatest breakfasts ever, the Cheeseburger Breakfast.  You may also already know that the best kind of cheeseburger is one with a fried egg on it.

In fact, here's a photo of one such cheeseburger:

View fullsize

This one's from a restaurant in Austin called "El Sapo."  It's a charming old garage that's been turned into a semi-sophisticated bar and restaurant.  Mostly a bar.  They have twice as many seats at the bar than they have parking spots in the lot.  So plan on riding your fixie, or take an Uber.

Anyway, it's a hell of a burger, and exponentially greater when they put a farm-fresh egg on top.  Wow.  Many protein.

So back to my point... If you already read the post about the cheeseburger breakfast, or you already know about the best breakfast foods ever, then you don't need me to tell you about Sawyer and Company's cheeseburger omelette.  If you don't know, you're going to learn today.

View fullsize

A cheeseburger omelette is just what it sounds like.  It's an omelette stuffed with ground beef, grilled onions, cheese, tomatoes, and FRENCH FRIES.  That's right.  Fries INSIDE the omelette.  The day I ate my first cheeseburger omelette, I was reborn.

One may think it couldn't get any better than that, but one would be wrong.  The omelette comes with a tasty, tasty biscuit.  The biscuit is the cupcake's ugly cousin.  But don't take my word for it. Pour some melted butter on it and chow down!

You can thank me later.

Proper Pancake Prep

When I think of breakfast, I think of tacos.  But I recognize that pancakes are a staple of any hearty breakfast.  Unfortunately, most people haven't been taught the proper way to set up pancakes for optimal enjoyment.  Please allow me to explain.

1.  The middle of the pancake is usually the fluffiest, thickest, and most delicious part.

2.  Butter is the best condiment for a pancake, but it would be socially unacceptable to roll up a pancake and dip it in a bowl of melted butter.  But apparently it's OK to drown them in sugary maple tree sap, which doesn't make much sense.  So ideally, one should put as much butter on a pancake as is socially acceptable.

3.  In most cases (especially at a diner), one is not likely to eat the entire stack of pancakes, because it will come with eggs, bacon, sausage, and home fries.  If you aren't eating all of this for breakfast, you're probably dying of malnutrition.  You'll know it's true, because you're probably hungry right now.  If you aren't going to eat the whole thing, why would you start with the dried up thin edge?

So I've developed a procedure for preparing pancakes properly.  Follow along, and live the semi-sophisticated life.

First, you'll want to order a full breakfast.  Try to hit all the food groups, including meat, grains, potatoes, egg, cheese, and Diet Coke.  Don't forget the pancakes, obviously.  And you probably don't need to bother with blueberries, strawberries, or even worse- mixed berries!  What is this, France in the 50's?  Please.  Just bring me buttermilk pancakes and save the berries for baby food.

View fullsize

Pancakes.  Hot syrup.  Fluffy butter.

Ok.  The pancakes have arrived.  Grab that butter and get to work.  Divide all the butter you have (ALL the butter.  ALL of it.) equally for each pancake.  Don't be afraid to ask for more.  Put a blob of butter on the bottom pancake first.  Don't spread it around, just stick it in the middle and put the next pancake right on top.

View fullsize

Just put a big lump of butter in the middle.

Continue putting butter on each pancake.  Don't make it fancy.  Just get it in there quick, while the pancakes are still hot.

View fullsize

Use all the butter.

Now let that sit.  The heat from the pancakes will melt the butter.  While you wait, eat the rest of the breakfast.

Normally, I live on ketchup.  But I don't put ketchup on my eggs.  Sometimes, I will dip a home fry in it, but it would be a travesty to drown these beautiful eggs in ketchup.  Moderation, folks!  Once you've finished the eggs, meat, potatoes, and more meat, it's time to get back to the pancakes.

View fullsize

Eat while you wait.

It's OK if the butter's not completely melted.  Don't hesitate.  Use your fork to perforate a circle through the entire stack, just around the butter blob.  Poke straight down and move the fork in an up-and-down motion while going in a circle.  I like to imagine I'm ice fishing, and the fork is the saw cutting a hole through to the water.

View fullsize

Dig in.

This part is called "The Center of the Universe."  It's an edible sponge soaked in melted butter.  It's the most delicious thing you will ever eat before noon.  Leave the syrup out of it.  This moment is all about you and the butter.  Savor it.

View fullsize

The Center of the Universe

If you ate the middle and left the rest, I wouldn't blame you one bit.  Pancakes are kind of like Oreo Cookies.  You may only want the middle, but you have to buy the whole thing.  People may look at you strangely if they catch you eating the middle and throwing the rest out, but they're probably just jealous.  Think about this:  If we eat a fish, don't we usually discard the head and tail?  If we eat chicken, don't we get rid of the head and feet?  Don't be ashamed.  Eat the middle and throw the rest out.  However, if you decide you still want to eat the pancake, you're already set up for the most efficient syrup delivery method.  Fill the crater you've created all the way to the top with syrup.  Resist the urge to pour it all over.  The key here is to keep everything neat.  Pour the syrup in all the way to the top and then exercise a little restraint.

View fullsize

Fill 'er up!

Now you can use the fork to break parts off the middle of the pancake ring (which is now soaking up the syrup like a sponge), sweep them through the syrup pool, and deliver them straight to your yawning maw.  Pancakes sometimes form a sort of skin over the flat surfaces, which resist the syrup and send it off to the edges of the plate.  By digging this hole in the middle, you're allowing the syrup to access the more absorbent (and fluffier) middle pancake section.  Eat from the middle toward the edges until you are full enough to feel ill.

View fullsize

More more more more more more more more.

After the first time, you may never go back to the old inefficient ways of our ancestors.

Don't forget to finish your Diet Coke, and leave a big tip.

In Defense of the Cheeseburger Breakfast

View fullsize

Nothing on the menu appealed to me. It's strange to find myself in that situation, because I really love eating. My eyes scanned the menu again and again, but found nothing that would satisfy my hunger. For the last 24 hours, I had craved a cheeseburger, and it was all I could think about. But it was nine o'clock in the morning, and it was breakfast time. Had I been at Sawyer and Company, I could have gotten a cheeseburger omelette. That might have hit the spot.

Alas, I was at the Counter Cafe, and there was no cheeseburger omelette. The Counter Cafe has a reputation for serving a tasty cheeseburger for lunch, though. I checked the time again, hoping for a miraculous warp to lunchtime. My heart sank. 9:01. Not lunch time yet. My wife had decided on a biscuit and a breakfast taco. Ugh.

In a fit of desperation, I flipped the menu over. Oh man! Like a gift from the heavens, it appeared to me. At the top of the menu, a phrase I will never forget. “Lunch Served All Day.”

My heart filled with warmth. The angels sang. The world rejoiced! I shed a single tear.

Suddenly, I was consumed with doubt. Yes, they serve lunch all day. But it was still early. Wouldn't eating a cheeseburger this early be frowned upon? Would it be a social sin equivalent to ordering a round of tequila shots for breakfast? People have Mimosas and Bloody Marys for breakfast. What do I do? My mind began to race, grasping at any justification for eating a cheeseburger first thing in the morning.

Steak and eggs is a thing. Cheeseburger is just ground-up steak, without the eggs. (Should I ask for a fried egg on the burger? For future reference, the answer to that question is always “yes.”)... What's the difference between waking up and eating a cheeseburger versus working all night and having a cheeseburger when you're done? Can we really let the position of the sun in the sky dictate what kinds of foods are acceptable at any given moment? Is there something in a cheeseburger that absolutely shouldn't be eaten in the morning? If so, then a cheeseburger omelette wouldn't be a thing. But it's a thing. And ground beef breakfast tacos are a thing. Bread is always part of breakfast. Sometimes people eat breakfast for dinner. Pancakes are delicious just after midnight. Why not nighttime food in the day? Plenty of people put ketchup on their breakfast, too. Oh yeah... The burger comes with fries. That's just halfway between home fries and hash browns. No big deal. Can I come up with any good reason NOT to have a cheeseburger with my breakfast?

I cannot.

I will tell you this: I ordered a cheeseburger for breakfast. It was amazing. I will never regret it. The craving was satisfied, and I now have the energy I need to take on my busy day. Nobody said anything nasty to me. The waiter didn't cry when I ordered it. The world didn't end. I left with a full belly and a full heart.

I think I'll do it again.