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Dear SPLOTCH!
My phone is almost a year old. I hear the new iPhone is out, and I'm pretty excited. I want to get the phone as soon as possible. Should I go down to the store and wait in line so I can be one of the first people to get the new iPhone?
Thanks!
-Steeeve
Steeeve-
Don't be an idiot. You can wait a week.
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
Why?
-Y
Y-
Why not?
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
I really enjoy the support I get from standard briefs. Most of my friends prefer boxers. What do you think? Should I wear briefs?
Thanks!
-Whitey
Whitey-
Only if you want to look like a big baby in a diaper.
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
With all these new brews and pods and machines and percolators and pour-overs and roasts and grinders, I'm really confused. What's the best way to make a good cup of coffee? Everybody seems to have their own opinion, but I want to know yours.
Thanks!
-Cuppa Joe
Joe-
It's really simple. First, get out whatever kind of coffee maker you have, and make sure it's clean and in good working condition. It doesn't matter if it uses pods or grounds or a filter or not. Whatever you have will work. Check every component and make sure it's really clean, and looks fresh.
Second, get your camera and take a photo of it.
Third, post the picture and a short description on Craigslist. See if you can get some poor sap to bring a case of Diet Coke to your house and trade it for the coffee maker. You might not even need to put shoes on!
Coffee is gross. Diet Coke is amazing.
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
In my home, we have an ongoing debate. I like to have the toilet paper on the dispenser so the paper unrolls from the top of the roll, or what I call "over." My wife prefers the paper to come off the bottom of the roll, or "under."
You're an expert on living the semi-sophisticated life. What would SPLOTCH! do?
Thanks!
-Totally Over It
Over It-
This has been a hotly debated topic for at least 600 years. Allow me to set it straight, once and for all.
Solution.
I hope this clears things up for you.
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
I hear you know about electronics. I'm thinking about upgrading my television. All of my friends have brand new 3D TVs with the fancy glasses, but my TV is a couple of years old. What's the best kind of TV to buy? I need advice on what size, what brand, and where to buy it. Thanks SPLOTCH!
-Mike TeeVee
Mike-
The TV you have is good enough. Turn it off and do something important.
Good luck!
-SPLOTCH!
Dear SPLOTCH!
I have a friend who I've known for a few months. I think I have a crush on them, and I would like to find out if they feel the same about me. But I'm nervous. What's the best way to find out if there's more to it than just friends?
-Uncertain in Utah
Uncertain-
Have you tried asking them out on a date? Try that. Don't be wishy-washy.
Good luck.
-SPLOTCH!
Are you having trouble making your hair stay where you want? Can't decide what kind of car to buy? Are you looking for relationship advice? SPLOTCH! is here for you!
CLICK HERE to email us with any of your questions, from mundane to major. We will answer questions from our audience and put them here for the world to see. It's kind of like Dear Abby, but for the Post-Modern Middle-Class Semi-Sophisticated Man.
