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In Defense of the Cheeseburger Breakfast

Christopher Locke

Nothing on the menu appealed to me. It's strange to find myself in that situation, because I really love eating. My eyes scanned the menu again and again, but found nothing that would satisfy my hunger. For the last 24 hours, I had craved a cheeseburger, and it was all I could think about. But it was nine o'clock in the morning, and it was breakfast time. Had I been at Sawyer and Company, I could have gotten a cheeseburger omelette. That might have hit the spot.

Alas, I was at the Counter Cafe, and there was no cheeseburger omelette. The Counter Cafe has a reputation for serving a tasty cheeseburger for lunch, though. I checked the time again, hoping for a miraculous warp to lunchtime. My heart sank. 9:01. Not lunch time yet. My wife had decided on a biscuit and a breakfast taco. Ugh.

In a fit of desperation, I flipped the menu over. Oh man! Like a gift from the heavens, it appeared to me. At the top of the menu, a phrase I will never forget. “Lunch Served All Day.”

My heart filled with warmth. The angels sang. The world rejoiced! I shed a single tear.

Suddenly, I was consumed with doubt. Yes, they serve lunch all day. But it was still early. Wouldn't eating a cheeseburger this early be frowned upon? Would it be a social sin equivalent to ordering a round of tequila shots for breakfast? People have Mimosas and Bloody Marys for breakfast. What do I do? My mind began to race, grasping at any justification for eating a cheeseburger first thing in the morning.

Steak and eggs is a thing. Cheeseburger is just ground-up steak, without the eggs. (Should I ask for a fried egg on the burger? For future reference, the answer to that question is always “yes.”)... What's the difference between waking up and eating a cheeseburger versus working all night and having a cheeseburger when you're done? Can we really let the position of the sun in the sky dictate what kinds of foods are acceptable at any given moment? Is there something in a cheeseburger that absolutely shouldn't be eaten in the morning? If so, then a cheeseburger omelette wouldn't be a thing. But it's a thing. And ground beef breakfast tacos are a thing. Bread is always part of breakfast. Sometimes people eat breakfast for dinner. Pancakes are delicious just after midnight. Why not nighttime food in the day? Plenty of people put ketchup on their breakfast, too. Oh yeah... The burger comes with fries. That's just halfway between home fries and hash browns. No big deal. Can I come up with any good reason NOT to have a cheeseburger with my breakfast?

I cannot.

I will tell you this: I ordered a cheeseburger for breakfast. It was amazing. I will never regret it. The craving was satisfied, and I now have the energy I need to take on my busy day. Nobody said anything nasty to me. The waiter didn't cry when I ordered it. The world didn't end. I left with a full belly and a full heart.

I think I'll do it again.