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How To Make the Perfect FroYo

Christopher Locke

Do you ever wish it was 1989 again?  If so, it might be time for frozen yogurt.  Of course, the kids today don't know about TCBY, they just call it "FroYo."  It's the Brangelina of desserts!

The Frozen Yogurt industry seems to have dried up about 2 decades ago, but it's making a comeback.  There are little shops popping up all around us.  Frozen yogurt is back with a vengeance, and the college girls love it!  The new shops provide all the toppings and flavors one would ever need, and they allow the customer to arrange their own sundae.  It's a beautiful concept, and one I enjoy regularly.  Since I am such an expert on eating FroYo, allow me to share my secrets.  I present to you: How to Make the Perfect Froyo.

Step 1. It all begins with a dozen flavors.  Mango, Chocolate, Mint, Pork, Lime, etc.  Skip this part.  We'll come back to it.

Step 2.  Officially, they are called "toppings," but you don't have to put them on top.  I started with a bed of crushed Butterfinger, and followed with a fistful of Cap'n Crunch.

The crunchy things on the bottom are like a pie crust.  They provide a good strong base upon which you will build a masterpiece.

Step 3.  Smother your base with your favorite flavor.  Here, I used either cheesecake or Crisco.  I can't remember.

Step 4.  "Toppings" go next.  In this case, it's strawberry, marshmallow goop, and Reddi-Whip.  I think.  (Or was it salsa, whey, and craft paste?  Who knows?  I didn't read the labels.  I was too excited.)

Step 5.  I like to sprinkle something crunchy on top.  Crushed peanuts, fruity pebbles, cedar shavings, or nail clippings.  Whatever you like.

Step 6.  Enjoy!  You've earned it.  You can eat it from one side to the other, getting a cross-section of all the layers, or you can eat it top-down, enjoying each delicious layer in turn.  If you go top-down slowly enough, the yogurt will melt into the cereal at the bottom, and it's like starting with dessert and ending with breakfast.  What a treat!

There you have it.  The perfect FroYo sundae.  It's a good pick-me-up after a long day of shopping, manicures, puppy-sitting, and browsing magazines.  Who can resist?