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Diet Coke

Christopher Locke

Sweet Nectar of the Gods

Diet Coke is sparkly and delicious, and pairs splendidly with many different types of food.  The deep smoky notes bring out the flavor in your seafood.  The beverage has a strong bite which compliments any steak.  Try serving it in a flute alongside a fine French meal.  Most guests would mistake it for the most expensive champagne!  Only you will know the truth.

Although Diet Coke is extremely healthy, one must be careful not to drink too much too fast.  It should be sipped, not gulped.

Some people like to accent the pure sweet flavor with a spritz of lime juice, a dash of rum, or a wedge of lemon.  But I have my own method.  Start with a bottle of Diet Coke, chilled to just a few degrees below room temperature.  (We don't want the cold to shock the tastebuds, after all.)  Open the bottle, but don't let it breathe too long.  Rest your nose against the bottle's opening and inhale just a tiny whiff.  Let the fizz drift up into your sinuses and prepare the brain for the incoming wave of pure ecstasy.  Touch your lips to the bottle, and let the liquid glide over them.  But don't be greedy.  Just a sip is all you need.  Roll it around on your tongue, then push it forward between your teeth.  As the complexity of the flavor consumes you, relax the tongue just enough to let the beverage slip around the sides.  When you are ready, swallow.

Diet Coke is the best.  I want to swim in it.  I want to cuddle with it.  I want to have its babies.

Diet Coke is the tall dark stranger everyone is looking to meet.  Diet Coke makes me happy when I am sad.  It comforts me in my time of need.  I rest my head on Diet Coke's shoulder and I let it all out.

Studies have shown that most bad things in the world happen because people haven't had their Diet Coke.  The Berlin Wall was torn down by people trying to get to the Diet Coke on the other side.  The Panama Canal was designed to allow faster access to more Diet Coke.  The Great Wall of China was built to protect the vast hoards of Diet Coke from invading thirsty people.


Why did the chicken cross the road?  To get more Diet Coke.