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Pizza Hut Breadstick Sauce Procedure

Christopher Locke

Everybody knows:  The best pizza in the world is Totino's Pizza Rolls (in a bowl, in bed, watching a movie, with a sexy lady, while it's raining outside).  That's the semi-sophisticated life!

The second favorite pizza in the world is obviously from Pizza Hut.  In most cases, stuffed crust pepperoni is unstoppable.  (Just ask my colon!)  But while you're at The P-Hut, don't forget the breadsticks!  It's basically the pan pizza without the cheese, and with the sauce on the side.  Most people skip the breadsticks, but that's because they don't know the Splotch! method of preparing the marinara-esque sauce in the extra grande ramekin.

Step 1.  Admire the sauce in its simplicity.  Then kiss it goodbye!

Step 2.  Add a generous sprinkling of white desiccant powder.

Step 3.  I said "generous."  Seriously.  Be a man.  Think "snow-capped mountain."

That's better.

Step 4.  Break off a breadstick and stir your sauce.  Keep adding the white desiccant powder until you achieve the consistency of toothpaste.

If you do it right, you can eat all the sauce with fewer than two breadsticks.  Don't be afraid to ask for more sauce.  If you get extra sauce, be sure and leave a huge tip.  That's the semi-sophisticated way!