Guidelines For The Proper Cheeseburger
Christopher Locke
1. If you're going to put cheese on a burger, make sure it's melty.
2. If the meat and cheese are good, the vegetables will just clutter it.
3. Don't choose between fries and onion rings. Get them both.
4. Seafood is unnecessary. When you're at the beach, a burger will do.
5. If you go to a restaurant, and they won't put a fried egg on your burger, it's OK to never go back to that restaurant. It's up to you.
For the record, Bobby's on the Beach has the best onion rings on any beach I've been to.